New beginnings

Shortly it will be 2011. I'm looking forward to the new year. Every day I feel better. Every day I can push myself a little farther. God is good. I know that my radiation therapy starts in January but that is the future. This is the now that is very easy to exult in. Seattle's sun is shining. It's cold but beautiful.

I have really enjoyed the holiday season. My son and his significant other are visiting from Oakland and my 2 daughters and their husbands live in Seattle. It's so nice to have all my children close at hand. It's so nice to feel well enough to enjoy them totally. I got to be at the extended Dermody family at Christmas with my grandniece, almost 9 months old. She's cruising around and it's so fun to see her get where she wants. Also, being able to buy toys again for Christmas, priceless!

May all of you have a blessed New Year and may there be peace in your hearts.

Thoughts on getting my energy back, the meaning of suffering, and the Incarnation

I am getting my energy back and it is wonderful! Lady and I have been walking on hills. The 'up' is getting a little easier each time. I am rediscovering Longfellow Creek. Today we went on a short walk because Lady is a bit under the weather with gastrointestinal issues. It's so amazing to take my morning shower and not be exhausted afterwards. The nails are starting to heal. They had been quite painful. They have stopped bleeding and so has my nose. Now I just wish my hair would grow back. All in good time, my friend, all in good time. I need to trust in the slow work of God that Pierre Teilhard de Chardin wrote about.

Next month I start radiation therapy. I'm optimistic that it will be better than chemo as advertised. I know I'll be tired; I've heard that from the medical people and friends and family. I'm a little nervous though. Every time I start to really recover, I get knocked down again. Oh well, it's time to relish the now and put it deeply in my memory for tougher times. I sometimes complain about the being present to the now when I am having trouble.

Oh dear, that brings to mind the difficult questions like the meaning of suffering. Suffering is no joy for me and I do not seek it. It is part and parcel of this human life, a part that Jesus shared with us. He was not enthusiastic about suffering but he endured it. He knew what it was to be hungry, to be betrayed by a close friend, and what it was to be tortured. The incarnation of Jesus is truly amazing. He knew what it meant to be human and chose to come to Earth anyway.

Oh Lord, give me the strength to bear my crosses with grace.

December joys

I saw my oncologist yesterday. I made it 75% through the Taxol treatments but I was starting to develop a spreading rash, worsening motor control and pain in my fingertips (aka neuropathy) and have been fighting an infection under my fingernails that makes them bleed and smell like old cheese. The side effects of chemo outweigh the benefits. I had a transfusion of red blood cells two weeks ago and it's really helped my blood count and hematocrit. Dr. C. said that the 75% was probably enough and asked if I would mind stopping chemo.

Mind? I was ecstatic! Now I can start feeling normal again. I have three weeks to heal before I start radiation therapy. I'll be able to enjoy my family for Christmas instead of being two days post chemo. I can start growing my eyelashes back! Thanks be to God!