notes from the checkout

It's really cold out here in Seattle. The temperature was somewhere in the teens this morning. There is possible snow in the forecast for Friday. Here in the Emerald City that means it's time to buy groceries. We never know whether a snow forecast will mean no snow, a dusting, or a foot of snow. We get laughed at for our snow driving but it doesn't snow here often and we have very steep hilly streets to slide on. The city doesn't invest a lot of money in snow removal either. A lot of us just park our cars outside our houses and wait for the snow to melt before we venture out. I even picked up a few things after work just in case.

Notes from the checkout ( aka raves from the checkout)

'Twas the weekend before Thanksgiving and hordes of shoppers descended upon the grocery store. I worked as fast as I could typing in codes, scanning items, bagging groceries, and handling money, all while fighting back pain--when whom to my wondering eyes did appear, an auditor with no case of beer. She had me ring up a basket of groceries and when it was time to pay she told me, "I'm an auditor, just void the items and put them back." She had also hidden some items that I didn't catch in a spot I'd never think to look and had never been told to look. I'm not telling what because I don't want to give anyone any ideas. Growl, way to ruin my already stressful day! Fortunately after that it was lunch time and I ran into the boss. He said not to worry about it; it wasn't on her report. Hmmm, maybe she was messing with my mind.

I had several nice customers and then came a lady with her school-age daughter. The daughter was unloading the shopping cart and I told her she didn't have to unload the giant box of heavy logs. I could get the code. The lady snapped, "I'll handle my daughter." I replied that I had just spoken to her daughter the same way I would speak to any adult. I don't want them to hurt their back or mine. Growl! I was in trouble for treating a child like a human being.
It's going to be a long holiday season. Thanks to Clement C. Moore, I think. There's a controversy over who wrote the lines I borrowed from Night Before Christmas.

Retreat time

It is time for my yearly three-day retreat close to the anniversary of my father's death. It is a time to mourn and remember, a time to pray and to write. The sky darkens early and the light from the sun is muted. Here in Seattle the rainy season arrives. I went to church today and sat before the crucifix where God has answered my impossible cause prayers many times. He has brought me healing in both mind and relationships, impossible causes. Now I remember my father and pray about my current intentions. They seem hopeless to me but God has helped me time and time again. I'm not going to go in detail here because I don't want the family I am worried about to be easily identifiable. Suffice it to say that there is a young family in deep trouble and I cannot by my love carry them out of danger. I wish that love would be enough but I can change no one. I can't believe for anyone else. I can't seek mental health help for anyone else. I cannot take the father of this family and rock him and make it all better like I could when he was a baby and I watched him while his parents were at work. He is an adult now with adult choices. He has to live with the consequences of his own behavior. But then...there is the cross and the one who hears my prayer.

October Day in Paradise

Sitting in a sunbeam
on a sofa
sipping tea.
Kitty on my lap,
purring.

Contemplating seasons

Each day as I walk with Lady the tree colors are different. There is more orange and red intermingled with the green. The days grow colder and the last hot days of summer have come and gone. I hear a lot of complaints about it from my customers but there are others who like the cool crisp days of fall. There are the smells of hot apple cider and pumpkin pie or the newer scent of pumpkin spice lattes. There is something to be said about the rhythm of seasons. They give me a sense of the continuity of life. Leaves turn red then fall. Barren leaves of winter give way to the buds of spring. The lush foliage of summer changes back to red and the cycle begins again.

A Freethinking Dog

I just finished Merle's Door: Lessons from a Freethinking Dog. I love dog stories. This past year I've read The Story of Edgar Sawtelle: A Novel (P.S.) and
The Art of Racing in the Rain: A Novel.
Merle's Door is about a dog and a man who find each other on a camping trip and their life together. Ted Kerasote, the author, portrays Merle as a thinking, feeling creature. When Mr. Kerasote installs a dog door he gives Merle freedom. They live in an area where dogs are not leashed or fenced. Merle makes the rounds of the small town every day and becomes known as the "mayor" who must meet and greet all his constituents. I thoroughly enjoyed Merle's Door and was sad when it ended as our own dog stories do with aging and death.

notes from the checkout

Last week a brand new grocery store in a brand new building opened across the street from us. It's beautiful, glitzy, and on staple items pricey. Our store was relatively quiet last week since everyone was across the street. I think the assistant manager did a good job scheduling us. It wasn't crazy busy but it wasn't totally dead either. Some of the customers who came into our store had been across the street told us that we don't have a lot to worry about. Sure, their sales are good but the things people buy every day are more expensive. We'll see what happens after all the excitement dies down. Our boss told us to give the best customer service possible (which we should be doing anyway) to keep our customer base coming back to us.

How Can I Keep From Singing?

I've given up on my women's spirituality group. I haven't liked any of the book selections so far. Yes, I know I'm picky, but long ago as a bookseller I decided that with the limited time I have in this life I want to read books I like. I confess, I am a book snob. Hmmm, the church choir practices on the same night that the spirituality group meets. I love singing and I've really missed singing with the choir after being out for a year.
Today was our choir's first day back after summer vacation. It feels so good to be back singing with my friends and getting my voice into shape again. Singing is like flying, it makes my heart soar. There is the discipline of practice but the joy makes it well worth the work.

Notes from the Checkout

I worked from afternoon through evening yesterday. It seemed like every small child was crying. I mentioned to one of my customers that I hadn't heard as many kid meltdowns on the same day for a long time. She reminded me that it was the first day of school for Seattle Public Schools. Even if the small child was not going to school, if their siblings were there was a change in routine. They had to go to bed earlier the night before and get up earlier yesterday morning. I remembered being unable to sleep before the first day of school back in the day. Ah, there was an explanation for the behavior and also why we were so busy in the evening. When it was punch out time I was glad to go home for a little peace and quiet.

Multitasking

There are some things that one can do at the same time like making a peanut butter sandwich and checking out the internet. One shouldn't try to preheat a pan for frying eggs while on the internet. I remembered before there was a disaster but the pan was too hot and I had to cool it down before I could pop the eggs in it. Lesson learned until the next time.

Outrage in the USA

Why is it that whenever something simple like President Obama's address to school children is announced those of the opposite political bent become outraged? Since when would it be outrageous for the President of the United States to tell it's children, "Stay in school"? Do they think that the kids' eyes are going to be held open ala A Clockwork Orange?

Honestly people, I don't think President Obama is going to turn your child into a "gasp" Democrat with just one speech. There's politics and then there is history. I remember watching President Lyndon Johnson's inauguration speech at school in fifth grade and I don't remember a word of it. How many of the kids that President George W. Bush read to turned into Republicans? Aren't there times when the president is just the president instead of a product of the political machine?

I have neglected my blog for too long. I've been doing a lot of reading lately. I finally broke down and bought a

It came down far enough in price to make it worth it to me. I love it! Most books are $9.99, some are a more expensive, but some books that are in the public domain are free or of nominal cost. I've been rediscovering classics. They are so much more fun when you don't have to read them. Classics usually take me longer than the three-week period our library allows so I'm better off buying them. I've re-read A Tale of Two Cities: 150th Anniversary (Signet Classics)
They wouldn't let me link to the Kindle edition but it was less than a dollar. Right now I'm reading Treasure Island (Signet Classics) which I got for free on Kindle. It's so easy to order books that I have tried to limit myself to buying books that cost $9.99 or more to one on payday. I loved The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society (Random House Reader's Circle) and
Shanghai Girls: A Novel by Lisa See. I don't think I've read so much since I worked at a bookstore. I have heard bad things about the Kindle cracking when using one of the covers sold on Amazon so I bought a much cheaper fabric cover made by Book Sox at Staples during their back-to-school sales. It's worked quite well. I did decide to purchase the extended warranty after reading some tales of woe on one of the Kindle blogs.
Oh, and I haven't neglected my library. I'm reading Palace Council (Vintage Contemporaries) by Stephen L. Carter. There is one drawback with library books though and that is that they are heavy. I just make sure to read them at home, when I have a long lunch at work, or when I have some extra room in my backpack.

I still miss Byron

Byron at Schmitz Park

It's been two and a half years since Byron died. I've been dreaming about him. Today Mr. D and I walked through Schmitz Park, a place that Byron and I spent a lot of time together. I take Lady other places so the memories of Byron in those settings have resolved. At Schmitz Park today it felt almost like Byron's spirit was there. Yesterday I looked at terriers on the Humane Society's website. It's tempting, but with our four cats and Lady we already have a full house. Besides there won't be another Byron even if we named another dog that. It's Byron that I miss, not his mixed breed. He was the one who would kiss my face and bring me back to reality when I was in psychic pain. I miss my old friend even though I have new ones. I love you, Byron.

Notes from the checkout

Today was very busy with everyone getting ready for Father's Day and other celebrations. A couple of women walked in the store. One asked to use the phone and then they started yelling at each other. Lady 1 was accusing Lady 2 of stealing a cell phone from Lady 1's daughter. Lady 2 said she didn't even know Lady 1's daughter. I called "Security to the front end!" They kept yelling at each other and took it outside. No one was hurt. Just another day at the grocery store.

Reading the Shack

Our women's spirituality group is reading a new book, The Shack by William Paul Young. It's about a man who spends three days struggling with God in the shack where his young daughter was murdered. I wouldn't recommend it as great literature. It is self-published and shows the inexperience of the writer. It's not great theology either. On the other hand the issue of how God can allow suffering to exist and still love us is timeless. Look at Job who lost everything and struggled with the same problem. I enjoyed our discussion last night. It was fruitful and made The Shack worth reading.

Good book for hard times

I just finished a really satisfying book


The Well and the Mine by Gin Phillips. It's set in Alabama during the Great Depression. One night Tess sees a woman drop a baby in her family's well. No one believes her until a blanket comes up from the well the next day. Tess's father Albert works is a coal miner who owns his own land. Ms. Phillips captures both the time and the characters beautifully.

notes from the checkout

Remember how my last note talked about me being nice. Well, yesterday I didn't feel so nice at the checkstand. One of the customers didn't understand that a coupon that says limit one purchase of two doesn't mean that you can use multiple coupons for the same deal. Another didn't understand why her phone number wasn't immediately in the database when she had just gotten our loyalty card on her last trip. I felt like growling but took a deep breath between customers. It was not an ideal shift. I bought some chocolate soy milk (oh the joys of lactose intolerance) and had a big hot mug of it at home. This was after coming home to no parking place in front of my house and venting to Mr. D. All was well after a few games of Tetris, the hot chocolate, and a good night's sleep.

Notes from the checkout

Yesterday a customer felt sorry for me because I have to be nice. If I didn't like working with the public I wouldn't be in retail. I enjoy my job except when I get grouches for customers or if I'm having a bad day. Other than that I get to play store and get paid for it. I work near where I live and everyone sooner or later needs to buy groceries. I see people from the neighborhood that I haven't seen for years and get to re-awaken old friendships and ties. Being nice to people isn't so bad. For the most part they're nice back.

Mrs. Steele's Song

A few nights ago while lying in bed my mind traveled to a distant song. I couldn't remember the words or the tune. All I could remember was the phrase "somewhere inside of me". It was a song that comforted me after my mom died--remembering she still lived inside of me, in my heart. I've lost others and they also live in my heart.
Mrs. Steele's Song by Reilly and Maloney is the one I was thinking of. It's about a special relationship the song writer had with an adult woman as a child. I had a special lady in my life. Her name was Lena. She taught me how to knit and fed me cake and coffee. I still think of Lena when I knit. Was there some special adult in your life who helped make you the person you are?

I've joined a gym to increase my activity level. Walking is painful so I can't rely on my favorite exercise. I saw an orthopedic doctor this morning and he said that I can do pretty much whatever my leg will let me. He suggested that I take an over the counter pain and inflammation drug before I go. Before I exercise I should stretch my leg muscles. When I come home I can ice it. I've been worried because I still hurt 7 weeks post injury. The doc said that the bone is healing right on schedule and to come back if I'm still hurting after Memorial Day. I guess the cure is what my veterinarian calls "tincture of time".

Our women's spirituality group at church is now praying with Birth: A Guide for Prayer





by Jacqueline Syrup Bergan and Marie Schwan, CSJ. I felt a little behind yesterday because I hadn't read all of the first week's readings--I only got the book on Monday. It is very much a product of Ignatian Spirituality using the imagination in prayer. It's not the easiest prayer form for me. I like centering prayer, the Rosary, and just talking to God as I would a friend. I suppose it helps to have a book as the centerpiece of our faith sharing but could we slow down? I can find enough to pray about in one day's reading for a week.

I highly recommend another book that I am reading called One Minute Wisdom.



It has little one page gems of contemplation that fill a prayer period. The one for today was about miracles. A disciple of the Master says, "In your land it is regarded as a miracle if God does someone's will. In our country it is regarded as a miracle if someone does the will of God"(page 4).

I wish it were only food

I'm in a bad mood today. I filled out my health questionnaire for my health plan and "there is a strong need for change" in my body mass. Not only does the TV and the newspaper tell me I'm fat but I now have confirmation by my HMO. I have dieted before and I know what it takes to be successful. I have to weigh and measure portions and count calories. I hate being compulsive! I also know that when I do lose weight I will get more wrinkly. Hmm, wrinkly or rotund? That is the question. If I have the courage to do this I know that my joints and stomach will thank me. Why can't it just be food? Why does it have to be such a battle?

Back to work

I'm still using a cane for a little assistance. I find I'm able to walk better each day. When I'm at home where there are no stairs so I can get around with just my two feet. I'm back at work with just a little bit of pain.

My cane is not funny. Some of my customers disagree. One asked if I was going to hit him if he didn't let me wait on him. I told him no, I'd use the cane to hook him in. He needs a sense of humor transplant. I've had a couple of people who were glad to see me back; they thought I'd retired. Retired? Do I look that old? Who could afford to retire at 55? The way the economy is going I may be working until I'm 95, God willing that I live that long.


Only one week until Easter and I will be so happy when the penitential season is over. It's been good for reflection and as an impetus to more prayer. It just seems so long. Today is known as Passion Sunday. I was privileged to share in the reading of the Passion according to St. Mark at mass this morning. Our priest in his homily spoke of how Jesus' suffering and death was out of love for us. Jesus shares in our suffering and understands it. We walk through the wilderness of Lent and Holy Week so that we can fully understand the Mystery of Easter. I'll admit I am never an eager particpant in self-denial. I do not joyfully offer up suffering but I slog on. As Chuck Knox used to say, "You gotta play the hand you're dealt." Hmmm. Does that bring up Jesus and football analogies? Or is it poker analogies? Jesus did not joyfully choose suffering. He asked God his Father in Gethsemane if there could be any other way. There wasn't so he did what he had to do, for us.

How I Spent My Vacation

It's been three weeks since I broke my leg and three weeks since I've had to work for a living. The first week was covered by sick leave and the last two are covered by vacation pay. Now, granted, I would have loved to have spent that time going to some wonderful getaway, but a quiet stay-cation at home is not so bad. So far I've knitted a scarf. Now I'm working on a blanket--I didn't know that's what I was knitting at first. I bought four more skeins of yarn at Seattle Yarn Gallery so that I can keep working on the blanket. I've watched episodes of Quantum Leap - The Complete First Season from Netflix on my computer as Sam Beckett (Scott Bakula) rights the wrongs of history.
I'm also listening to Three Cups of Tea: One Man's Mission to Fight Terrorism and Build Nations One School at a Time, an audio book that I've had on my shelf for months. It's 11 Cd's so it takes awhile and it's great to knit to. If I listen to audio books in the car I get lost in the book and forget my driving so I need home-time for such things. I've heard so much about the book from my son who has met Greg Mortenson and from many other people. I can blissfully knit on as I listen and get lost in the book without running into anything. Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin also comes in book form. I highly recommend it.
I start back to work on Thursday. It will be so good to see my customers and my co-workers. I've missed the store. There's a kind of energy at the check-out line. The customers flow through, each a different experience. I see friends from the church and the neighborhood. I see my regulars and learn their names. There is the occasional grouch but for the most part I like my job.

On the receiving end of care

"Your broken leg sure is a lot of work," My husband exclaimed yesterday. I agree. He's had to be my chauffeur, my cook, my launderer, my go-fer, my dog-walker, and my dishwasher. Mr. D has kept up with his household chores and now he is doing mine. I can do some things like folding laundry, making my own tea, and my own personal care. I so wish that I could do more. It's almost more difficult to be on the receiving end of care than it is to be on the giving end. Mr. D at times has had his injuries and I've had to do more of his chores but that only means that I have insight into his frustrations.

Ah, yes, the truth comes out, I am frustrated. I like walking the dog. I like doing laundry with my cool, less than a year-old washer with space age buttons that is downstairs. I like driving where I want to go when I want to go. I like making the one-mile round trip to the library on foot. Those things I like and I hate asking for things. This sister wants to do it for herself!

Soooooooo, what is God trying to teach me this Lent? What am I learning? I have all the time in the world for prayer and reflection. My street is quiet. Mr. D is at work. I knew about the cross of pain and the cross of disability from knowing people who struggled with both but I don't think I knew the cross of dependence. I knew it intellectually but I didn't know it in my heart. I'm learning. I'm learning that pain is distracting. It's difficult to keep my full attention when my leg keeps reminding me of its injury. I'm learning to slow down because I can't go fast with my crutches and I'm learning that the important people will wait for me. I am more fully aware that I am loved, not only by God, but by my family and friends who are God's hands and feet. My faith community prays for me. Wow!

Keeping busy

My new knitting supplies

It has been one tough week. Last week Saturday I was all dressed and ready to go to work. I took Lady to the mailbox and read the mail while walking home. We started going down the hill to our house when I slipped in the mud. The first words out of my mouth were not worthy of a faith and family blog. I made my way into our house, my pants covered with mud. I had twisted my ankle and in the process broke my upper fibula. My husband took me to urgent care where they took x-rays of the lower leg, taped up my ankle, and sent me home on crutches. I told the doctor that my upper leg hurt but he didn't pay much attention to that. I think he saw me as a "garden variety sprain" and looked no further. My ankle got better daily but my leg hurt like crazy. One night our cat stepped on my bone while I was in a sound sleep and I practically went through the roof. I went back to my doctor, had an x-ray taken of my upper leg, and low and behold, I had a spiral fracture of the fibula. I should be in a lot less pain in another week or so and completely healed by six weeks. I don't need a cast because my leg muscles hold my bone in place. I'll continue to hobble along on crutches and watch Netflix DVD's and on-demand.

My injury gives me a lot of time on my hands. I'm off work for a couple of weeks so I'm taking up the hobby that saved me when I was unemployed, knitting. It's one of the only things you can do while watching TV and still feel productive. It is also very relaxing. Mind you, the only thing I know how to knit is long scarves or perhaps blankets. I probably should get some knitting books like Stitch 'N Bitch: The Knitter's Handbook or Knitting Without Tears: Basic Techniques and Easy-to-Follow Directions for Garments to Fit All Sizes but I don't think I can read, watch TV, and knit at the same time.

Rose

I have no words of wisdom today and no stories to tell. I thought I would post this picture.

Recession Blues

Everytime I turn around I hear about people out of work or people who know people who are out of work. The New York Times has an opinion piece today to help the unemployed. It's called "Out of Work? Read a Recession Blog. Or, Better Yet, Write One" by Adam Cohen. A person might as well have something to read in between looking for jobs or comforting friends who are out of theirs. There is a lot of misery to go around. I still have my job but our hours have been cut. We are supposed to have a well-maintained store with everything in stock and fast check-out but aren't given the time it takes to keep it that way. Even though I whine I am very thankful to have a job and I know that other people at other jobs are having their hours cut as well.
The good news is that the sun peeked out a little today. Lady and I got our walk and bus ride in. Canine company is the best in trying times.

Each day I have a little more energy than the day before. This cold or flu or whatever it is has really knocked me for a loop. I did feel well enough to hop on the bus with Lady to the Uptown Espresso for our morning outing. I drank my coffee and Lady kept me company. We just missed the bus home. The bus stop had no shelter and it was pouring rain. Since walking in the rain is warmer than standing in it I decided that we would walk home. I was a little worried about my stamina but we made it back on foot dripping but happy.

Today is the start of Lent, Ash Wednesday. I am going to mass tonight and will have the sign of the cross marked on my forehead in ashes. "Repent and believe in the good news." It's a good time to get closer to God. I'm participating in an online retreat called Days of Deepening Friendship, an online retreat. It's based upon a book by Vinita Hampton Wright. You don't have to own the book to participate in the retreat. Ms. Hampton Wright provides the chapters that pertain to the weeks meditation online in pdf form. I worked on the first one today and it is helping me get ready for the six-week marathon that is Lent.

Bless this mess

I finally made it to my women's spirituality group last night. I felt like I was behind everyone else because I hadn't completed all the assignments in the book. My cold has left me with little energy and some days I've been lucky just to collapse at the end of the day and thank God for my blessings and ask for his help for those I love. I'm too tired for words so we're just there, God and me. Anyway, many of the women had done all the reading and journaling and had some profound insights. It inspired me to take the book we are using, The Cup of Our Life by Joyce Rupp, and begin anew with the second week's exercises today.
Today's topic was the clutter in our lives that keeps us from filling our soul-space with God. I had trouble with that at first because I live a cluttered life. I've been trying to change for years but my OCD stands in the way. I've learned to live with it, occasionally throwing stuff out or shoving it to the side. So the exercise is this, "Sit quietly. Go within. Look around inside. See what clutters your life with God." That's what I did. I went inside myself and God just picked up the stack of magazines and newspapers on the couch of my mind and shoved them to the side. Then he sat next to me. God meets me where I am and works with me so that I can become what he wants me to be. He looks beyond the clutter and he sees me.

notes from the checkout

Yesterday was Valentine's Day and I started my shift at seven in the morning in the express line. We were very busy selling cards, flowers, and chocolate and, oh yeah, groceries. One of my customers noted about another, "That guy's brave. He's only buying one flower." Who knows, maybe his beloved was swept off her feet. One man was angry that the wife wanted cut flowers instead of a plant which would last. I'm glad she wasn't there to listen. Is showing that you care for someone such a burden?
I love flowers but I wouldn't want my husband to buy them because he has to but because he wants to. I wasn't feeling well last night so I asked my husband to make Top Ramen for me because that was what I craved. We watched a DVD together with my feet up on the couch. That, to me is love more beautiful than a dozen roses.

Having a pity party

I have what my childhood doctor would call "the miseries". My nose is stuffy, my chest is tight, and I'm tired. I'm not used to being sick so I'm sorry that I'm so whiney. I love to walk a mile or two with my dog but we sure aren't getting that far these last few days. I'm lucky to get dressed and out of the house. Since I have a dog I have to. Sniff!
Now that that's out of the way--
I'm starting to go to a women's spirituality group at my church. I hope I can make it tonight and keep from sneezing on people or shaking their hands. We are reading The Cup of Life by Joyce Rupp I'm hoping that it will help me to get back into the regular practice of prayer. It's been really difficult to put aside that time each day. My relationship with God needs to be nourished just like my relationship with my friends and family. Why is it that those I love most get the farthest down on my to-do list? Sigh. Each day starts anew and each day is the day for renewal. It's time to begin again and instead of talking about praying and loving it's time to pray and to love.

Life is drama

There is a lot of drama in life. There are times that I feel like I need to keep putting out fires if only I could. You see, I can't control peoples lives and that is frustrating when I see people hurting. If only I could help everyone get a job who needs one, heal the sick, and heal broken relationships. The first is one that others are better at than I and the last two are the province of God. My sister-in-law is having vision problems and she is an avid reader. My mother-in-law just finished her course of chemotherapy. My next door neighbors are having volatile fights next door. A priest I admired is being sued by an adult man for having an improper sexual relationship with him under the guise of therapy which be harder to believe if I didn't know the young man involved. I don't know what really happened in that case and I am so glad that I am not judge and jury. The only helpful thing I know to do is to pray. Last night when everything was pressing around me I happened upon this reading from Isaiah 49: 15-16 NAB:

"Can a mother forget her infant, be without tenderness for the child of her womb? Even should she forget, I will never forget you. See, upon the palms of my hands I have written your name" It gave me comfort and I said a rosary for my fighting neighbors.

Normal Biopsy

I was very relieved to read the email from my doctor that said I had a normal endometrial biopsy. I knew that if it was something bad he would call me. Whew! The ultrasound isn' t scheduled until mid-March. I'm not going to spend a lot of time worrying about it. There could be something wrong, or not. Thank God it's not endometrial cancer.

Shepherd Me Oh God

I had an endometrial biopsy today to help rule out uterine cancer. It hurt like crazy because my menopausal cervix had to be dilated. At least the doc apologized for the pain. He's thinking I'm probably okay because the lining of my uterus is so thin. If there were cancer or hyperplasia going on that would not be the case. I should have the results by next week. They have me scheduled in March for a pelvic ultrasound. I'm worried but I'm not worried. Over my lifetime I have had more than one cancer scare. None of them have been the dreaded C.
I spent some time this morning in centering prayer in preparation for this afternoon's procedure. I knew it was going to hurt and I was afraid. I tried to give my fear to God but it turns out that I could only have God help me hold it. So here I am still worried about something over which I have no control but I'm not alone with it.

I have today off and I plan to make the most of it. I haven't been taking time for important habits that help me feel well. I keep meaning to spend more time in prayer and take my dog for long walks but there always seems to be something else like work and distractions getting in the way. I know people say you need to schedule your day but I hate schedules. Yesterday I did manage to walk Lady the dog to Home Depot. I also spent some time in Centering Prayer before bedtime. I love spending time with God and even though it's the best way to keep spiritually and mentally healthy I let it fall to last on my priority list. Today will be different. I am going to take Lady for a walk up to her favorite pet supplies store. We will then go to the coffee shop next door and sit outside enjoying our treats. We will walk home and I will spend some quiet time with God. Just for today, I have a plan.

The beginning

It has taken a long time for me to plunge into the world of blogging. I've been journaling for years and blogging is like it but not the same. It took me awhile to find my voice in journaling and I expect that it will take some practice before I find it here. Wish me well.