Ash Wednesday 2012

Another Lent begins.  Another time to clear out the spiritual cobwebs.  Some give up something for Lent.  Others take on a new spiritual practice.  What keeps us from God?  What will bring us closer?

Last year after my struggle with breast cancer I decided to give up suffering for Lent.  I felt I'd suffered enough with all the things that come with a cancer diagnosis.  Suffering found me in ways that I couldn't have imagined. In March, Hazzard, my sixteen year-old cat died.  He had kidney disease and so his passing wasn't a surprise, it was just painful.  He was an old friend.  He didn't want to be alone when he died and so he died in my arms.  That was hard, that was difficult, but I was shocked at the suffering that was to come.  

Losing a pet is like losing one of the family but it doesn't compare to the loss of someone from the human family.  In April Andrew was killed in a motorcycle accident three days from his twenty-fifth birthday.  He was part of our neighborhood's extended family.  He and his sisters and my son and daughters would migrate from house to house, usually the boys at one and the girls at the other.  I watched him while his parents worked.  As a young man he moved into the house next door to me and started raising his son.  He later moved to a different spot in the neighborhood later but I would see him skateboarding with his dog down the street or taking his son sledding.  "Hi Andrew."  "Hi Cheryl".  And then he was gone, dead, abruptly dead.  It was like I had been kicked in the gut.  This year I am not giving up suffering.

The first reading for Ash Wednesday from the prophet Joel tells us:

Even now, says the LORD,
return to me with your whole heart,
with fasting, and weeping, and mourning;
Rend your hearts, not your garments,
and return to the LORD, your God.

I've approached this Lent with a different attitude.  I am ready to do what I usually do.  I am giving up something that I can give up (don't ask me to give up coffee)  and something that is keeping me from spending time with God and from following his command to "love one another".  I am giving up Facebook and Twitter for the duration and plan to use the extra time gained getting closer to God and to my friends.  It's time to do a little face-to-face or telephoning or physical letter writing to get closer to the people that I love.  I guess the old fashioned ways of communicating are something that I will take up for Lent.  I'm going to try to work against the excuses for not spending dedicated time with God.

These actions won't keep suffering from knocking at my door but they will lead to a healthier relationship with God.  Peace be with you this Ash Wednesday.

  

I don't want to say good-bye to an old friend

Hazzard the cat

Here I am another two days before chemo. Life doesn't stop just because you have cancer. My sixteen year-old cat Hazzard is fighting kidney problems. I've talked about him before. He had one eye removed in January and has been doing pretty well for an elderly kitty since then. Just this last week he started failing so we dropped him off yesterday at the vet's for IV fluids. We are hoping to get him out of this crisis but we are also realistic. We'll find out tomorrow or Thursday what the verdict is. If it's Thursday, my husband will need to pick him up because I might not be feeling well enough.

I got to visit Hazzard at the clinic today. He loved being pet and being around me. I wanted him to know that we had not abandoned him. I also told him that I knew all about IV's. Whatever happens to him I want him be comfortable, the same thing I would want in his dilemma. You've heard about living in the moment? I was living in the moment but I was also living in Hazzard's kittenhood. We had to keep him separated from our adult cat Stormy who had Feline Leukemia Virus until Hazzard was fully immunized. He had to stay in a room in the basement with visits from us. Hazzard was so smart that he figured out how to escape via the ductwork. Take that Dermodys! As you can tell from his advanced age Hazzard never became infected. We have three younger cats from age 4-10. Hazzard has put up with them all as kittens with grace and aplomb. I know that he's led a rich and full kitty-life but it won't be any easier to say good-bye to him whether he dies this time or his during next health crisis. I love you Mr. Hazzafrazz.