Surprised by Grace

This Lent Father John has been strongly suggesting that we partake in the Sacrament of Reconciliation well before Easter.  I like to confess before a priest who doesn't already know me.  Actually I don't like to go to confession at all but since Father John suggested it, why not?  I was looking for something else on the Seattle University calendar when I noticed that today, my day off from work they had confession scheduled at the Chapel of St. Ignatius from 11:45 am to 12:30 pm followed by daily mass.  I set my alarm, checked out bus schedules and off I went.  I got to campus early and had coffee at the student center.  I found my way to the chapel but couldn't find the reconciliation room.  I asked and was told that the priest who was to hear confession wasn't coming today. I was disappointed and relieved.  Maybe God didn't want me to go to confession with a priest today after all.  It was still well before mass.  I went to the reservation chapel to pray in front of the Blessed Sacrament.  I confessed before Jesus and felt his healing.  All the while I was hearing a cantor practicing and saw that the chapel was beginning to fill.  I noticed that people were bringing in booklets for mass and went to get one for myself.  That's when I found out that today was the beginning of a Novena of Grace: A 9-Day Preached Lenten Retreat, Finding My Way Home.

Oh, God wanted me to be here at the Chapel of St. Ignatius for an entirely different reason from the one I had planned.  God is indeed a God of surprises.  I need to find my way home.  I've been struggling this Lent with the prayers of imagination that are suggested in An Ignatian Prayer Adventure from Loyola Press.

I can't seem to get the hang of it, imagining the sights and sounds of the times of Jesus.  Father Paul Fitterer, SJ, one of the presenters guided us in imagining being with Jesus.  He said that we could use a scene from scripture, we could use our home, or a special place.  I knew the exact place, a place where I had prayed many times, a place in nature where the sun shines through the trees and where God listens.  I could imagine Jesus sitting with me there.  When Father Fitterer asked us what word Jesus had for us, Jesus said, "I love you."  I know, I've been singing "Jesus Loves Me" since I was 3 years old but this meant something special.

Back when I was in RCIA coming to know the Catholic faith Julie, one of the teachers told us that we were right where God wanted us to be, right in that moment.  Today God surprised me.

Honoring the dead

Today is the Feast of All Saints.  Tomorrow is the Feast of All Souls.  November is the month in which the Catholic Church turns its eyes toward our beloved dead.  At Holy Rosary we have been invited to put pictures of loved ones who have died on a special table to honor them.  We believe that death is not the end.  We pray for the dead and they pray for us.  In this change of seasons as the light turns to darkness for more hours, the leaves turn beautiful colors, and the weather grows colder I am drawn toward remembering those whom I have lost.  I am writing letters this month to the dead to honor their very special place in my heart.  Stay tuned.

Living my life

I've been thinking about the next few months as something to get through rather than to be lived. I've been wrong. I was reading The Jesuit Guide to (Almost) Everything: A Spirituality for Real Life last night. James Martin's father is dying and Father Martin isn't sure that he can walk the path of his father's suffering. A friend, Sister Janice asks him, "Can you surrender to the future that God has in store for you?" He concludes that (obedience) "is stepping onto the path of daily life and continuing on it".

I have a long road ahead of me. I know that in these next few months there will be some really tough times but I also know that there will be times to treasure in my heart. Each day of my life is a gift from God. Each breath that I take is because God sustains me. I have to surrender to what God has in store for me. In surrendering there is trust. I trust that he will be with the whole way. I'll know more what chemotherapy is like after it starts. I think that part of my fears are the fears of the unknown and that's where I have to step out in faith with God.

Reading for distraction

I'm getting stronger. Lady and I were able to walk to the library downhill and back from it uphill. The Seattle weather is beautiful today, blue skies and warm temperatures.
I've been reading as many books as I did when I worked in a bookstore. They help distract me from heavy moods. Right now I am reading The Full Cupboard of Life.

It's the fifth in the Number 1 Ladies Detective Agency series. It's a great escape to Botswana to follow the adventures of the "traditionally built" lady detective Mma. Precious Ramotswe.
I am also reading a more serious book of short stories called Say You're One of Them
by a Nigerian Jesuit priest, Uwem Akpan.


The stories are written from children's points of view to some pretty horrible but real situations. Jesuits try to "find God in all things". I have to strain very hard to see the hand of God in these stories but it is there. I can only absorb one story at a time and then need to go back to The Full Cupboard of Life.
If there's one thing to be said about breast cancer, it gives you time for reading. Thank goodness for libraries, bookstores, and Amazon.

Lent

I always seem to begin Lent reluctantly but yesterday was Ash Wednesday and here I am. I went to mass at 7am yesterday morning. Father John traced an ash cross on my forehead and I received Eucharist. I didn't have to start work until almost 10am so I spent some time at Hotwire Coffee eating breakfast and wasting time. All through the day I would see customers who had ashes on their foreheads and hear from others who said that they would be going to mass or church later in the day. One woman told me I had a smudge on my forehead and I explained Ash Wednesday. She knew about Fat Tuesday but didn't know what Ash Wednesday was for. I explained that Fat Tuesday was the prelude to Ash Wednesday, a feast before the fast. I'm glad I went to mass early yesterday. It meant that I wore my ashes all day and for a brief time I was a sign.
Now I am on day 2 of Lent. I've given up alcohol for the duration and I signed up for the Days of Deepening Friendship retreat. It's a good way to keep praying and to spend special time in prayer and meditation during this special season. I don't like the fasting part of Lent but I do like the praying. May this Lent bring you closer to God.

Each day I have a little more energy than the day before. This cold or flu or whatever it is has really knocked me for a loop. I did feel well enough to hop on the bus with Lady to the Uptown Espresso for our morning outing. I drank my coffee and Lady kept me company. We just missed the bus home. The bus stop had no shelter and it was pouring rain. Since walking in the rain is warmer than standing in it I decided that we would walk home. I was a little worried about my stamina but we made it back on foot dripping but happy.

Today is the start of Lent, Ash Wednesday. I am going to mass tonight and will have the sign of the cross marked on my forehead in ashes. "Repent and believe in the good news." It's a good time to get closer to God. I'm participating in an online retreat called Days of Deepening Friendship, an online retreat. It's based upon a book by Vinita Hampton Wright. You don't have to own the book to participate in the retreat. Ms. Hampton Wright provides the chapters that pertain to the weeks meditation online in pdf form. I worked on the first one today and it is helping me get ready for the six-week marathon that is Lent.