Lost in the Woods

It was a nice day and I decided that Lady and I had been on the Longfellow Creek Trail too many times lately.  We could do the neighborhood walk along the street.  That would be an hour walk and we hadn't done that in awhile.  Then I thought about a place I hadn't been in years. We could walk a short way to where I went with Byron the dog all the time.  There used to be a trail there and it led to a space where the sun shone through the trees which I called  "the chapel".  I would sit on a log and pray in a spot where God helped me through my darkest times.  These days I use it in my memory to talk to Jesus.  Ready to take the road less traveled, Lady and I crossed the winding street to enter the Puget Creek trail.

It looked a little overgrown and muddy at first but there was a thin trail.  I figured I knew the way and felt up to the challenge.  After all we could turn around if things got too bad and go home.    I knew there was a creek down far below but there was so much foliage that I couldn't even see it.  Much of the trail had eroded into the ravine. Okay, I've walked in mud before and I knew about the creek below but if I was very careful, I would make it, right?  We squished along and made our way.  An unfamiliar  large fallen tree stood in the path and we inched our way around it.  We came near to "the chapel" but it had changed.  There was no place to sit but I could see the sun through the trees.  I stood there for a bit soaking in the beauty and then it was time to go back the way we came.  We got to the felled tree and then tried to take the trail as we found it.  We must have taken a wrong turn or maybe that trail wasn't as wide as we thought.  Soon there was no trail, only blackberry bushes.  I tried following Lady thinking she would find the trail but all we found were short paths with dead ends. We were on the opposite side of the creek that we'd started on (how did that happen?).  I tried breaking through the bushes with my body and tried to use Lady's leash as a tool.  It was getting to be time to pick up Mr. D from work.   Cell phone in hand I called and told him both where we were and that I would call again if we didn't get home in time.  We made our way through the thorns and the mud with me falling several times.  It was so hard to get back up because there were only thorny branches to help lift me up.  I wished that I was in better condition and could get up without using my hands.  When I realized there was no way that I could pick up my husband on time I called him and said that I might be calling 911 to get out. I thought we were close to the road because I could see power lines.  We came to a place about 10 feet from the power lines where the blackberry bushes became very dense, too thick to make it through.  I fell once more and was too exhausted to get up. I knew then that we weren't getting out of there without help.

The following is my call, not an exact replication:

 "911, what is your emergency?"
"I'm lost in the woods and can't find my way out."
"What is the street address?"
"I don't know, I'm lost.  I'm by some power lines near Puget Creek."
"What do you think the police can do for you?"
"I don't think I need the police.  I need the fire department."
"Okay, I'll transfer you to the fire department."

Fortunately they were able to get within yelling distance by tracking my cell phone signal.  I yelled back at them and shook some bushes to help them find me.  All through this my faithful dog was with me.  She started growling when we heard there voices but we convinced her that they were the good guys.  As one of the firefighters made his way to me with a machete he said, "I feel like Micheal Douglas" (Remember Romancing the Stone?).  To my surprise we were not by the road.  I was taken by the hand and we walked gingerly up the unstable hill to the fire truck.  They kept on encouraging Lady up the hill as she kept coming back down and checking on my welfare.  We finally made it to street and truck.  They offered to take us back in the fire truck and exhausted I took them up on it. I'd never ridden in a fire truck before.  It's one giant step up and one giant step down.  I got in first and Lady followed.  They took us home.  Muddied, scratched up, and full of stickers, I showered and collapsed on the bed.

I have this saying, "God doesn't protect from stupid," but that doesn't keep him from being with me while I'm dealing with the consequences of foolhardy decisions.  He's there the whole time guiding me home.

A Day Off

The Crumpet Shop at Pike Place Market

This morning I took my car in for maintenance to take advantage of my day off. I took Lady with me so that we could have adventures.  We dropped the car off at Honda of Downtown Seattle and took off for Pike Place Market.  Since it was only a little after 10 am vendors were just starting to set up and it was pretty quiet.  We walked through the market and stopped off at The Crumpet Shop for some tea and a crumpet with butter and strawberry preserves.  Yum!  Of course I had to share my crumpet with Lady with her big brown soulful eyes.  We sat outside for some prime people watching.

Lady looking bored as I take her picture at The Crumpet Shop

Then it was time to take the bus home.  I got our Orca Cards out, paid our fare, and off we went for a quiet afternoon in West Seattle.

Surprised by Grace

This Lent Father John has been strongly suggesting that we partake in the Sacrament of Reconciliation well before Easter.  I like to confess before a priest who doesn't already know me.  Actually I don't like to go to confession at all but since Father John suggested it, why not?  I was looking for something else on the Seattle University calendar when I noticed that today, my day off from work they had confession scheduled at the Chapel of St. Ignatius from 11:45 am to 12:30 pm followed by daily mass.  I set my alarm, checked out bus schedules and off I went.  I got to campus early and had coffee at the student center.  I found my way to the chapel but couldn't find the reconciliation room.  I asked and was told that the priest who was to hear confession wasn't coming today. I was disappointed and relieved.  Maybe God didn't want me to go to confession with a priest today after all.  It was still well before mass.  I went to the reservation chapel to pray in front of the Blessed Sacrament.  I confessed before Jesus and felt his healing.  All the while I was hearing a cantor practicing and saw that the chapel was beginning to fill.  I noticed that people were bringing in booklets for mass and went to get one for myself.  That's when I found out that today was the beginning of a Novena of Grace: A 9-Day Preached Lenten Retreat, Finding My Way Home.

Oh, God wanted me to be here at the Chapel of St. Ignatius for an entirely different reason from the one I had planned.  God is indeed a God of surprises.  I need to find my way home.  I've been struggling this Lent with the prayers of imagination that are suggested in An Ignatian Prayer Adventure from Loyola Press.

I can't seem to get the hang of it, imagining the sights and sounds of the times of Jesus.  Father Paul Fitterer, SJ, one of the presenters guided us in imagining being with Jesus.  He said that we could use a scene from scripture, we could use our home, or a special place.  I knew the exact place, a place where I had prayed many times, a place in nature where the sun shines through the trees and where God listens.  I could imagine Jesus sitting with me there.  When Father Fitterer asked us what word Jesus had for us, Jesus said, "I love you."  I know, I've been singing "Jesus Loves Me" since I was 3 years old but this meant something special.

Back when I was in RCIA coming to know the Catholic faith Julie, one of the teachers told us that we were right where God wanted us to be, right in that moment.  Today God surprised me.

The Energy Bank and Marriage

My last check-up with the oncologist went well, no evidence of disease.  I have my last four month check in February and then we move to every six months.  I feel well and have lots of energy, unlike when was going through cancer treatment.  Then I had to space things out because there was only so much energy to be had.  Withdraw too much from the energy bank and there would be none.  It made me prioritize.

This September Mr. D fell and broke dominant left shoulder and his right elbow.  The elbow injury was merely a crack but the shoulder injury required two-hour surgery.  At first both his arms were in slings and I had to do many of his self-care tasks.  He wasn't allowed to lift more than a coffee cup with either hand.  We share the housework and he couldn't help.  He also slept a lot.  Thus I was reminded of the energy bank.  At first even going to the doctor was exhausting for him.  We could go to the store but we had to keep the energy bank in mind.  Too much time led to exhaustion.  Now almost a month post surgery he is doing much better.  He still can't lift much but he can do dishes and cook.  He sleeps a more normal schedule.  He still can't withdraw more from the energy bank than is available but he has more reserves.  He starts physical therapy this week.

All this has led me to think about how precious life is and how it can be taken away in an instant.  Mr. D is my love, my life-partner.  I have promised to be with him for better and for worse and in sickness and in health.  We've been through both the for poorer and for richer.  He's been through my sickness and health. The longer I'm married the more my vows mean something.  At marriage they were just words for a future I was clueless about.  The longer I'm married the more I love this man.

Good-bye Old Friend

                         Emilio

It was just last year when Hazzard our 16 year-old cat died in my arms. Last week thirteen year-old Emilio stopped eating.  I took him to West Seattle Animal Hospital on Wednesday.  Dr. Gomez was hopeful.  He was dehydrated but with fluids perhaps he could come out of this crisis.  We brought him in every day for subcutaneous fluids.  Mr. D and I did not want to poke him ourselves.  We are supposed to be the good guys.  I was still dirt to Emilio for taking him in to the vet at all.  Mr. D drove him in on Saturday while I was at work and Emilio's opinion of Mr.D dropped rapidly.  Every day we tried to get him to eat and some days he'd take a few bites and a few sips of chicken broth but it wasn't enough to make him strong.  On Saturday Dr. Bergstrom told me that we had to decide what we wanted to do.  Did we want to go for aggressive hospitalization and forced feeding or did we want euthanasia if he didn't get better.  I felt we could try fluids for the weekend and make a choice today, Monday.  There was no hurry.  Saturday night he took a turn for the worse.  He let me hold him and I knew that he would die soon but he "did not go gentle into that goodnight"   

He started having convulsions.  Fortunately the clinic is open on Sundays so I changed his fluid appointment to a euthanasia appointment.  By that time it wasn't a difficult decision at all; it was obvious.  He was so weak that the sedative to relax him stopped his heart.  There was no need for a second injection.

It's hard to say good-bye to an old pet.  They live such short lives compared to ours.  The time from kittenhood or puppyhood to old-age is so short but it is so wonderful.  I would not forgo the joy to forgo the sorrow.  Love is worth it.

Reconciliation

The church encourages us to go to the Sacrament of Reconciliation at least once a year.  I usually work Saturdays when it's offered at Holy Rosary so I have a built in excuse.  This Saturday I'm working until 3 pm, plenty of time to get to Confession by 3:30. I don't know if it has been a year or more or less but it's time, something about that spiritual housecleaning business.   Yes, I can confess my sins to God and he will forgive me but there is something special about laying those sins before a priest and receiving absolution.  The dark sins are exposed to the light where they can't hide anymore behind my rationalizations.  The priest who has heard everything is not shocked by my sins and counsels me how to do better.  He is a flesh and blood representative of Jesus who tells me to "go and sin no more".  A penance is assigned which will help me repair my relationship with God.  I give my act of contrition saying that I am truly sorry for sinning against God and promising to do better.  I hear the words of absolution and am dismissed to once again go out into the world as a child of God. 

He comes anyway

"Lord, I am not worthy that you should come under my roof" but Jesus comes anyway.  We are not worthy but the Lord loves us so much that he's willing to spend time with us.  May I always be willing to spend time with him.